Shadow of Doubt

The snooze button on the alarm clock was created to prolong our agony when trying to wake up and acclamatise ourselves with the fact that is it time to get out of bed and get on with what we are supposed to do. Automatically I hit the snooze button numerous times but then the guilt sinks in and I reluctantly get out of bed. Today is no different. Actually today is worse. At 545am I just cannot accept the fact that it is time for me to wake up and face a four hour Lifecycle training session.

Although I wasn’t in bed at 9pm, I did not sleep late, drink alcohol or eat the ‘wrong’ type of food, I realize that today is not going to be such a bright and chirpy day for me. In a split second I try to find an excuse why I should skip training and stay in bed. It doesn’t work. I know that by missing training I won’t achieve anything except a free guilt trip which will probably stay with me until the very end of the Challenge.

I go downstairs and have my staple breakfast prior to any training. A banana. I guess by the end of Lifecycle I will not want to see another banana in my life but for the time being I will just have to like them. After usual checks on the bike, I set off to meet Robert. Seeing that he lives close by in Lija we cycle together up to Mater Dei.

I guess my face says it all this morning as the first thing he asks me is whether I am alright. I mumble that I am sleepy and we set off to Mater Dei where we find Shirley distributing the much awaited Betfair Lifecycle cycling tops. These tops will be our uniform which we will be required to wear at least during the Sunday training. The cycling tops are cool! Red and white are the primary colours with Maltese crosses, the Betfair logo – as our major sponsors and the Lifecycle Challenge Logo. The tops are a success with everyone commenting positively on the design. I will wear it with pride! I hope I won’t let the organisation down when I am cycling up a hill at a slow pace!

Alan is not here today. Mario and Gilbert take over. Explaining the importance of high cadence so as to build endurance and limit the risk of injury they also go over today’s route which was sent to us electronically a few days before. Today we are including some up hills in our training. The toughest climb being the St. Paul’s Bay Bypass.



As has become tradition, prior to leaving Ray takes a group photo – but today we are more colourful with our new cycling tops. The pride in wearing these new tops is evident as couple of cyclists pose like proud peacocks showing off their ‘feathers’.

Off we go!

It seems that there is quite a lot of energy in the group today as a large chunk of the group set off at a fast speed. I start off slowly, keeping in mind the words of a friend of mine who did Lifecycle two years ago advising me to take the first couple of kilometres easy so as to avoid burn out. But suddenly I realize that my taking it easy is the only speed I can face this morning. My legs feel taught and my heart rate is very high even though I am not doing any up hills but simply cycling on the B’Kara by Pass.




As soon as we get to the Mosta – Mgarr road I am faced with my first incline. As I no longer see other cyclists in front of me I start to panic. I know there are some other cyclists behind me but I have never fallen this far back and although I am trying to keep a high cadence I am not managing very well. I try to keep a constant speed but I must admit I am struggling.

I start getting visions of the long road ahead. Xemxija Hill. Bahar ic-Caghaq Coast Road, Splash and Fun and back – as many times as possible in two and a half hours. Even going downhill I find my pace slower than usual. Again negative thoughts start slowly creeping into my mind. Why am I doing this? Why inflict this torture? No one has forced me to do this? I could have easily stayed out partying with friends last night and had a nice lie in on this glorious Sunday morning. Turning towards Xemxija I am aware that there are members of the back up team waiting for us to give us directions. My reverie is broken when I hear Mario’s words of encouragement “Ejja Mariiiiiiiii” – two small words that don’t cost anything but they are such great motivators.























I encounter my first major hill soon after. The Xemxija by-Pass hill, an approximate 1 kilometre of steep incline. It is not as bad as I thought it would be and I soon start upping my pace. At least I am not cycling alone as I join Simon, Lenny, Ian, Luke and Nick. Reaching the Salina coast road we realize that the road is closed. I recall reading something in the newspapers of a Triathlon event but we keep on cycling until a pint sized warden with a high pitched voice starts waving at us to stop. We try to convince her to let us pass, assuring her that we won’t disrupt any activity but she won’t listen to anything we have to say and reluctantly we start heading back.




Nick suggests that we loop around Burmarrad and Salina roads but we all agree that we should not go off on a different route without telling the back up team. So we head back to St. Paul’s Bay where we inform Fr. Pierre and Shirley. We suggest Nick’s idea but we are told to loop until the St. Paul’s roundabout (from Burmarrad) till it is time to head back to Xemxija at 10am.

The Xemxija – Ghajn Tuffieha by pass is a mecca for motorbike riders who every Sunday congregate at the Apple’s Eye Café in Golden Bay. One after the other, powerful bikes whiz past us, leaving a cloud of dust and exhaust in our faces. I can’t help but think wistfully of my beloved Honda, currently in hibernation in my garage. I turn round to Simon and jokingly tell him that if I don’t make it to Istanbul with my Canondale I will turn up with the Honda! After all I still would be riding two wheels!!

Starting the loop from scratch we see the group that was in front of us finishing their first loop. They have nearly caught up with us. It seems that they managed to get past the pint sized warden and managed to get to Splash and Fun but now they have to complete the same loop we were instructed to undertake.

10am. Our meeting point is the Apple’s Eye. I feel a surge of energy and motivation as soon as I get close to Golden Bay. The heat from the sun’s rays is increasing by the minute and because I am still getting used to drinking more when riding, I feel dehydrated. The water is no longer cold so it is not exactly enticing to drink warm water. Mario flagging us down to stop was such a welcome site! I am out of breath. My heart rate is around 155 beats per minute. I am relieved this training session is over.

Hiding my feelings was never my forte. In fact if acting had to become the only available profession I would probably end up unemployed. Exhaustion, hunger and fatigue have hit me all of a sudden and it is showing. Carolyn and Francesca, who have known me for sometime notice this immediately and come over to see what happened. Getting a bit of pep talk from them makes me feel better. I have to learn to find the balance when pushing myself and being too hard on myself. Being to hard on myself is not the best of ideas.



We all have our off days, when we feel like throwing the towel and walking away. I think Mario summed it up “some people talk about it, the stronger people do it. Running away from it is not an option”.

Wearing my Betfair Lifecycle T-Shirt with pride I look forward to the next training session!



Photos Courtesy of Ray Pace, pacemedia.tv